I have been working hard on getting Falling ready to release but it is taking way more time than I expected. The more I force myself to write it faster the less I want to write it at all. I've decided to just give myself more time and get the book completed the way it should be.

I'm struggling with writing a book that I would want to read and writing a book that most might want to read. I don't like it when an author overly writes and describes every single detail to me like I am an idiot who lacks imagination. I feel like in my rewriting process, I am becoming one of those writers. While I think some parts should be overly written to give a good idea of what you want the reader to envision, I don't think every sentence needs to be that way.

This book is just making me mad lately... I want to have the right amount of both so that I can tell the story I want but have it relatable to others. I feel like lately I've been so consumed with trying to finish the book and give so much detail that it has turned me off from my own book. I'm just going to take a few days away from the book and read some others for inspiration. See how the people I like to read have composed the book's overall theme. Take notes of the parts I like and the one's I felt weren't necessary.

I feel like when I am too involved in my book and writing the way someone suggest I should write puts my mind in to overload. I forget the message I am trying to send out because I am so consumed with the small details. Being a first time author is confusing and stressful. There are days I can't peel my fingers off the keyboard and others that I don't even turn on my computer at all. Add in the new stresses of working all day and being so tired at night that I want to sleep more than I want to be creative... it's just overwhelming!

I'm going to shoot for an August release date that way I can make this book my own. I don't like feeling smothered by my own artwork. I'm not writing this book for everyone else. I'm writing this book for me and I want to share it with everyone else. That's why being Indie is so amazing! No one can tell me what I should write and how I should be writing it. Those are choices I get to make all on my own and I feel like lately they have been taken from me. Not so much as someone saying, "hey don't do that do this instead" but more as in, "do it better and faster".

I want to write it amazing and slowly as the characters come to me and take the book where the adventure leads me. I don't make an outline or go by character descriptions because that's just not how I operate. Everyday I wake up I have a different reason for being alive. Some days I wake up and I want to be a selfish bitch while others I want to give the shirt off my back. There are days that I want to show my husband how much I love him by spending all day together talking and taking the kids {aka dogs} for walks etc and others that I just want to be left alone, not spoken to, and not bothered with. Sometimes I am moody and snappy and sometimes I am sweet and loving. No day is every the same and I am never the same. So I can't write with a purpose when I can't even live one. My characters are honest to the author I am able to be. I like to change them up as I go along and take them places that inspire me as I write their future.

Feeling forced or believing my technique is flawed is burning out my fire. I don't want my fire burnt out because this is the first time I've ever felt passionate about something before. So, I'm sorry if it's annoying and frustrating but I promise it is for the better of the book and my sanity. I am hoping for August but don't be surprised if it isn't until September. I'm putting my heart out there for the world to judge and I have to believe in myself or else this entire process is pointless. I could release Falling tomorrow but I wouldn't be proud of the work that's complete thus far. Sure it's a story and it's complete but that doesn't mean it is perfect just yet. I still have a lot of edits to make and plenty of things to smooth out so it flows properly. It's a work in progress and that's all I can really say about it.

Thank you for understanding : )


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